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Funny Picture Of The Day!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Naughty Jokes - What did they do last evening?

An Italian, a Frenchman and a Parsi Were drinking at a bar, discussing what they had done the previous evening.
The Italian says:
'Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream non stop for five minutes.'
The Frenchman says:
'Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special aphrodisiac oil, then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight.
'The Parsi says:
That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a Amul butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, then made love and I made her scream for two long hours.
'The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, 'Two hours, phenomenal!
How did you do it to make her scream for two hours :
Parsi: I wiped my hands on the curtains.'

Hot Jokes- Blonde,Brunette & Redhead

There was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead standing on the beach. They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel. After some discussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set.One day later the Redhead reached the French coast. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers just off the English coast she decided that they couldn't be far behind so sat on the beach looking out to sea waiting for the other two.After a cold night of waiting, the Brunette finally came into sight."What took you so long?" inquired the Redhead."There were some strong currents out there! But I'm here now! Am I the last?" replied the Brunette."No. Blondie is still out there somewhere." They decided to wait. Day after day the two swimmers sat on the beach until on the 5th day Blondie came into view.Once on dry land the Brunette asked the blonde, "What took you so long?""What do you expect? You guy's cheated, replied the idignant blonde, "You used your hands!"

Monday, December 24, 2007

Sardar Jokes - Fastest thing in the world!

4 men - a Marathi, Bengali, Gujrati and our Santa were being interviewed for a top job. With nothing to choose between them, the President told them over dinner that the decisive test would be carried out the following morning, with each candidate being asked the same question and the best answer would get them the job.

The next morning, first up was the Marathi. "Here's your question," said the President, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" Without hesitation, he replied "A thought, because it takes no time at all." "Very good answer," said the President.

Next up was the Gujrati, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. "A blink," replied the Gujju almost instantaneously, "cos you don't think about a blink. It's a reflex." "Good answer," replied the president.

Next was the Bengali, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. The Bengali thought for a moment, "Electricity, because you can flip a switch and 20 miles away a light will go on immediately." "That's a great answer," replied the president.

Finally, it was our Santa's turn. "What`s the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. Scratching his head Santa replied: "Diarrhoea, because last night after dinner I was lying on my bed when I got these awful stomach pains and before I could think, blink or turn on the light....."

Sharabi Sardar

[Sardar Jokes are very common in India. They are the equivalent of Blonde Jokes in the United States. The Sardar jokes listed in this category are not meant to disrespect the Sikh Community]

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There was once a competition involving three gruelling tests. The participants had to do the following in immediate succession:

1.) Drink five bottles of hard whiskey in one go

2) Enter a room where there was a starving lion and pluck out its eyes with bare hands.

3) And then screw a very horny babe to her full satisfaction.

Many people bravely tried their hands (or should I say mouths) at it. Few could get beyond the first stage. And the inebriated few who managed it, got promptly eaten up by the starving lion. There was none who could read the third stage.

And then, one fine day, a nonchalant Sardar walked into the contest. Five bottles of whiskey were nothing for him. He emptied five bottles in five gulps. Then he said, "Bhale change hai hum, thagde hai. Bathao, lion kahan hai." When shown the room, he coolly walked in. There was no hint of fear on his face, but rather the cool confidence of a person who knew he could do it.

Sounds of a mammoth fight came from the room. Screams of the Sardar and growls of the lion were intermingled. Thumps and thuds which shook the very earth ensued. All of a sudden there was a piercing, heart-rending roar from the Lion. The audience waited with bated breath, their hair stood on end. And then, as suddenly as it had begun, the titanic roar stopped. An eerie silence prevailed.

As the audience watched, with eyes popping out, the door of the room opened, and out came the Sardar. Badly bruised, with blood streaming from his face, hands and legs, he stumbled out - victorious, nevertheless. His face had the glow of satisfaction of an emperor who had just won a battle.

And then he asked, "Where is the woman whose eyes I have to pluck out?"

Office Pranks - 20+ Cups on desk

20+ cups on desk
Fill about 20 or more paper cups up with water, place them next to each other on your victims desk. Then staple them all together, stand back and watch as he/she arrives at work and is clueeless about how to go about removing the cups off the desk.

Sunday School-very funny Jokes

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

Yo mama's So Hairy

Yo mama is so hairy that she has to part the hair on her butt in order to go to the bathroom.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

ADIDAS

What does ADIDAS stand for?

All Day I Dream About S*x.

Blonde Jokes

  At the Doctor's...
-A young woman said to her doctor,
"You have to help me, I hurt all over."
"What do you mean?" said the doctor.
-The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled,
"Ow, that hurts."
-Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled,
"Ouch! That hurts, too."
-Then she touched her right earlobe.
"Ow, even THAT hurts."
The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
-"Why yes," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger."

2005 Miss Idaho!

Tight Skirt - Bus Stop


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One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.

Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."


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